Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I feel hurt too

Haven't been updating my blog for the past week. I should say I'm rather busy with lotsa things. My mood for the past week is like high and low. Too many things had happen at one go which I very much hope I can help but I can't. I can't feel the pain of another, I can't feel the suffering of another. I do not know why the past week till now, I am feeling really down. Partly is cos all the things in my mind which I can't really solve and too my office.

Yes.. I am gonna whine about my office again. Ever since my return to office after my first attempt of resignation, I really regret that I did not listen to Lindy (my ex colleague). She told me my boss attitude will not change even if my boss know the actual reason for my leaving. She will change for a period but will come back to her usual self in no time. I chose to ignore what Lindy was trying to tell me and I regret now.. Back to the old job for about 2 years already. I find it more and more difficult to communicate with my boss. They seems to have lots of issue on me which me and my other colleagues don't find any wrong. It seems that whatever I do is wrong, or should I say nothing is right before. It's making my heart breaking seeing or feeling her tearing away my dignity. I am heartbroken to hear her saying me no brain, stupid, and many many more. Haiz.. I always tell myself, " Take people money is to help people settle their problem" But giving one too many jobs will turn the person off. I don't mind heavy workloads. But meanwhile giving me heavy workloads, don't you think that instead of telling me this and that no good why not tell me better words to make me feel good. I am worthless to the company although I am considered "Highly Paid" to her. My hard work doesn't contribute a single cents to the company at all. I don't worth a penny. Gosh! My tears are dropping, I feel my heart bleeding and is slowly killing me.

All these issues that I am facing now is like telling me, "Hey Berlin, You don't belong her anymore. You need to run away from this place forever and ever. You are not appreciated and why bother?" My final conclusion, I will leave for good in no time. I just want a happy working environment to work in. Even a small position, I also don't mind. I am really hurt now, I am really tired now. Whenever the phone ring, I feel that she is gonna called me and wreck happy at me then hang up the phone. Leaving me stone on the other side of the phone. I am scare of the phone now. I hope the phone will go mute for the time being.

I am finding ways now to bring my mood back to my usual self. I need to be happy. It's suffering to feeling sad and unhappy. I wanna cry to get back but I can't. I am a strong person in everybody's eye so I am not going to make them worry by breaking down. Don't worry, I will be strong enough to get through this phenomenon.

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