Feelings Today

Feeling Tired.
Feeling Lost.
Feeling Stress up.
Feeling Fustrated.
Feeling really down.

I could not feel my soul with me, I could not feel my heart beating. I wonder where have they gone to. It's been tired for me to see, feel or listen. I just wanted to do nothing and relax. I need to have my beauty sleep. I need to recover my insomnia. Having another 1 1/2 more weeks to go and endure. I'm looking forward for my 4 days trip to Genting. I can pamper myself from food and shopping.

烦恼
人为什么要有烦恼。人为什么要为生活而烦恼。
烦恼是让人们的思想拥有杂念。
烦恼是让人们不知所错。
烦恼是让人们往不好的方向前进。
抛开所有的烦恼可让人们放轻松。
抛开所有的烦恼可让人们望了压力。
所以如果可以的话， 请抛开烦恼， 活得自在， 活得开心。

Hope everyone can throw away all the unhappiness and stay happy always. I am looking forward to my new life change ahead. Do bless me and wish me luck.

Officially counting down!

Above is the countdown of my days left in CHM. To be frank, its not easy. Having to know that they are pricking bones out from the egg and yet you can't do anything to stop it. All I can do now is to endure the pain and hope time flies. With all the jobs that I have to rush to complete before I leave is really stressful.. Ever after I've tender, I'm feeling very stress and can't sleep well at night.

My body seems can't coordinate with my brain anymore. I feel like my body is going to give way soon. Hoping for my short trip to come soon before a fresh start of the new job. Guess probably I should head down to Polyclinic to get an MC from the doctor for my insomia due to stress. The sleepless night is really killing me. I don't know how long more I can endure with the lost of my beauty sleep..

People around me are all getting sick. Especially my dear Yvonne, she have been down with her flu bugs for a long time and recently she is getting from bad to worst. Due to flu virus attack her voice box, she finally lost the battle, she lost her voice!! Supposed to meet up last Sunday with her BF Adrain to go Changi Airport T3 to eat Popeye then go prawning de. But all thanks to her flu bugs, we have to cancel the whole plan. Wondering if we can make it this Sunday mah? Peeps, pls take very good care of yourself and don't fall sick till like Yvonne. She had bedridden for the past 1 week. Get well soon babe!

Short post for this. Will write another one soon.

An Email to her...

Some what I am feeling better though I am still in this sickening office. The moments of me sending out my resume via emails is making me tremendously happy. Whenever my HP ring, I will be a little over high. Why the fark am I so happy. Simple.. The thoughts of me leaving this place is making me happy and I am seriously very happy.

Another thing which is making me happy is cos I've send her an email to pour out all my unhappiness. And today, she sounded very polite without all her sarcastic words. (I supposed she knows that I am about to resign soon)

Hi JXXX,

It takes me lots of courage to type out this email which carries all my troubles from the bottom of my heart.

I do not know why this afternoon you were asking me about if our side is very busy and you are wondering why our side got so many hiccups since no much cases. To be frank, recently, lots of reporting cases over at my side. You may say that I could have just pass the form too them but some of them do not understand English and want us to file for them. Other then reporting case, I still have the driving instructor cases.. Renewals, prepare and post out to them and new cases is rather alot for the past few days. I am trying hard to clear it fast as its the early week of the month.. Pls don't get the wrong idea of me complaining my workload, to be frank, I am fine with the workload but I need some time to clear it especially early weeks of the month.

As for the estimate, I seriously have done my best to chase him for it.. But all he tell me is he is very busy ask me to wait if not other wise he would just keep mum.. I am at the verge already. I don't know what can I do.

Probably, you could advise me what have I done wrongly so I can try to change from there. I also don't want to have anything unhappy among employer and employee.. I also wants to apologise to you for my harshness lately as I can't stand his nonsense.. He is the one giving problem and ended up everyone gets the blame which I feel unfair.. I always don't understand why he is always busy and yet not in the office nor workshop. I am sorry if I am not lessening your burden in works but giving you problems.

Thanks.

Rgds,
Berlin Lim (Ms)

Sounded emo, sounded pissed off.. Yes I am! Yesterday in fact I am emo and pissed off. They drove me to a corner where I can't take it any longer and I chose to vent it out via email to her. I don't want to suffer any longer.. It's enough of nonsense.

Alright, signing out now.. Mood very good so far.. Need to *pops* champagne lohhh.. Bye..

Is it My Shelf Life is up?

I have always been thinking that not only products have shelf life but too living beings. Take example for my job, still remember my first resignation was about 3 years ago and that's also the first time, I feel that my shelf life in my company had come to an end and therefore, I should leave the place to hunt for a new shelf life. But after about a year outside, I actually came back to the old office (which is my present office) as my lady boss had called me and ask me to help her. Since I feel her sincerity on asking me back (pls take note, not cos of monetary sincerity as I am still getting back the same pay before I leave the place). At that time, when she needed me the most, she told me in future if there is anything unhappy, I could bring out and tell them, rather then I just keep it until one fine day, I explode and leave the place again. Well, @ that time, I was actually dumb enough to believe. Someone ever told me "Hey dude, didn't you know a leopard won't changes its spots." Back then, I was like "Aiya, I believe her lah" (In my motto, I will always believe in ppl.)



NOW, right now, I am really feeling bad. All the sincerity that time seems lost. I can't find back the days where we have good talks whenever things happen. Ever since from the time, I borrowed money from them (which they offer to lend it for my house renovation when I wanted to loan from bank) everything seems to have change. My colleague Uncle Bee told me, If I borrowed the money from them, I will have to stay right at the bottom of their foot liao. I told him " NO lah, they won't be like tat de lah. Money and working is totally different issue. Some more it was them offer me de, not I approach them de wor.. How to reject their offer since, I do not need to pay for the interest fee" But now, I seriously regretted. It seems that, they thought that I had borrow the money from them and I can't leave the place and so they can do or say anything they want without using their ass to think first.



Many things actually happen ever since I borrow the money from them. Its all I keep in my heart but recently, it's getting from bad to worst and even hurting to my pride and my feelings. I had it exploded and came to a decision. Return the money to them and see the situation. If they are still giving me that type of stupid farking attitude, I will leave forever and never step back here again. If not, I will "tahan" until after bonus then leave.. Leave is for sure, its only a matter of when.



Well enough of whining and I believe lots of my friends will say "Blah, again office de lor.. Nothing much to say liao meh... Always got this problem den just leave the place for goodness sake lah.. Keep complaining also no use de mah.. Still have to "ren" since they are your bosses and you have no choice, you are taking their money and you have to oblige to them..." SO no that's why I "Lan Lan" have to whine here instead lor..

P/S : Now starting to hunt for job. So anyone wants to recommend or hire me.
A little description of my job scope here. Basically, I am in motor claims line. We help car owners to proceed t/party claims when they are involved in accident. My job is to attend to them, help them in E-filing, explain how the whole claims goes. How much chances they have in winning? Then next is to arrange insurance company to arrange surveyor to survey the damage vehicle (meaning, I have to type out the estimate too). Next I have to renew Driving Instructors insurance. Yup Yup, my company does insurance too. I have to send invoices to the owners for after renewing the policy. (So not only renew nia). I have to do some basic accounting stuffs too. Then next, I have to arrange manager or boss to meet up customer.(Machiam Secretary) Oh, not forgetting, I have to do invoicing to insurance company after vehicle repaired and followed by negotiate with them for settlement. After settlement, need to arrange owner to come back to sign the form to agree settlement and close the file accordingly after receiving the money.. Like bangala lei.. So employ me lah.. Leave me msg wor.. I sure reply de...

Worst Week of the YEAR!

Yup yup.. Last week was the worst week of the year so far. I am very very very down since Friday till yesterday. Sorry to let all my friends worried about me. I just don't want to talk about it that time. Since its over already, I think I should at least give an explanation to my concern friends. (To be frank, till now, the my burning heart is still flaming.)

What happen last Friday was, I have been accused by my lady boss for something which I did not do. I have told the issue to her and she replied by saying "Nope, you did not say anything about it. You should use your brain, don't be so stupid lah" The words ran into my ears, pass through my heart and cut it then shot straight up to my brain and give it a hard know. I am utterly shattered by her words. She was the one who ask me to hold on first as she is busy to discuss the issue, the next moment when the timing is over, she just put the blame on me. I have been working in this company for the pass 10 years and this is wad I gain.. Sad, sad is the only word I can say for now.. My heart sank right to the bottom of my heart. Guess nothing can carry it back until I leave the office for good. I told myself, its okie, tomorrow will be a better day. Who knows! Saturday is another hard time to pass. Early in the morning, she brings up the whole topic again. When I tried to explain, she throw another word to me "Wrong is wrong, no need to explain, we need to admit we are wrong" I simply refuse this words to enter me, but it just force its way right into my heart and stab it. Yes, if I am in fault, I will admit it. Friends around me knows me well, if I did something wrong, I will definitely admit it. (Gan (3) Zuo (4) Gan (3) Dang (1)).. I am not a tortoise. But this time, I am not at fault at all.. How to admit fault when I am not at fault? I keep asking myself this question but till date still no conclusion. From then, my tears keep dropping, I simply can't concentrate on my work and thus spend my time waiting for log off. The thinking of staying in the office for the next seconds kills me. Once the clock strike 1330hrs, I pack my bag and leave the office even when the phone is ringing like someone calling 999 for help.. I DON'T GIVE IT A DAMN.

Then after reaching home, hoping to have a peace of mind and cool myself down, so I plan to bring NIKI for a basic grooming. I love to have hubby's and NIKI's accompany whenever I am down. After NIKI's grooming, feeling a bit better, I decided to meet up Yvonne. Initially supposed to meet her for shopping but due to my emo which I didn't wanna affect her, I decided to give it a miss. But after NIKI's grooming, I think I should meet Yvonne up for a dinner or so for repaying back the aeroplane I put on her. Near to 8 plus, I drove her to her KI TOH LOK gang for a BBQ. And meet up Jac, Xue Er, Elvin, Alex & Alan. They are a cute bundle of friends to mix with. Rather a more open friends and those which kept everything in the heart and planning for something evil to sabotage you. "Yvonne, glad that you have them as your friends, and thank you for recommending them to me. Got chance can join in you KI TOH LOK gang with hubby". After all these event feeling better till Sunday.

Who knows, Monday is another shit again. My manager told me on last Wednesday that she have not enough shift to plan the manager roaster when I requested to work on Public holiday 10am to 3pm. When she said she had not enough shift and ask me to work from 8am to 3 pm, I agreed as I don't want another manager to suffer cos of me. But when I ask the roaster on Monday, I came to know that she herself and her favourite mgr was off on that day. WTF is this, you are telling me you got not enough shift on that day and yet she plan herself and her favourite to off on that day.. What is the world coming too? Out of anger, I decided not to give her any roaster for the next week, guess wad she smsed me. "Berlin, you really cannot work meh. I really got not enough shift" I replied "Sorry, my boss is giving me the GST account to consolidate" (this is true, she is really giving me the account) then she smsed again "Really cannot help ar. If I got shift where got I ask you to contribute de.. Up to you lah, you see urself lah." I didn't replied her after that. I feel like telling her, every time you would tell me you have not enough shift and yet its either you work on mid shift or take AL or there are times, which we don't see you walking in if there is another manager working with you. I do not wish to bring out everything single things she had done here. In Chinese saying Wen (4) Xin (1) Wu (2) Kui (4), I don't care if she complain to "HIM". I won't give it a damn.

Till now, my burning heart is still flaming. I seriously considering to convert back to a staff rather then staying in this political management which we are always the sacrifices. But don't worry about me friends. I will be okie in no time. I just need to vent out all my anger nia.. Prolly need a food therapy soon. Anyone care to join me..???


P/S : If you are reading my blog and knows who I am referring too and if so happen it is referring to you, I apologise for my bluntness. But this is what is in my heart, I have the right to say and slash out here.. If not happy, don't read then.

Random Photos!! (Finally I did it)

Alright, finally upload the some photos.. In fact I should have more photos to load up. But after browsing through it, I find some of the photos are few mths back liao.. Hahahaha.. So what I did, I deleted the photos away.. Hmm.. Guess Yvonne muz be yelling @ me now.. (Gal, pai seh ar, I lazy to upload so many at one shot, so I chose to delete the photos.)

Back to the photos.. Remember I mentioned before Yvonne's new buddy PRINCESS.. I've taken a few photos with her when I visited Yvonne @ Square 2 (yup yup, she brought her puppy to her shop)..


Look at her.. Isn't she cute.. Wahaahaha.. She look the same as NIKI when he was young.


She is so gorgeous.. Simply irresistible


Here is NIKI.. He is too tired after being chased by PRINCESS when I bring him to visit Yvonne


He seems a little pissed off with my N95 camera flash.. Wahahaha *Smirk*

Next is my outing with my KFC managers and staffs for one of my staff YuXiang's farewell. He is leaving for NS..


Yummy *Slurp* Our food BBQing wor.. Waiting and waiting and waiting.......


Enjoying our foods..


After our food, plannin for some games.


Our usual game, Zhong Ji Mi Ma.. Loser will have to use the charcoal and draw the face. So end up on 4 out of 9 player kanna..


Can't stop laughing after seeing each other's silly drawn face.

That's all folks.. End of all the photos.. I suppose I should be hard working to download the photo once I've taken it.. Had been lazy for the past few mths.. Too many functions to attend liao..

Errm.. Friends around me had been asking what happen to me on Friday and Saturday. Why am I so so freaking down for that day? Well, its all about office issue. I personally feels that the office sucks. I feel that my pride is totally tear down by my lady boss. I feel that I have been accuse of stuffs which I have not done. She don't give me the chance to explain why I did that, all she say "Wrong means wrong, no need to explain anymore.." with an add on "Use your brain lah, so stupid de meh.. Use your brain in future hor" Infact, I have use my brain but she refuse to give me the chance to make decision. I need to ask for her approval before doing anything. The fact is that she is busy with her own stuff and did not listen properly on my proposal and she push the responsibility when things happen.. Funny yah! Her late decision turns out to my fault and my no brain and my stupidity.. Enough, I have enough of all her insultations. I wanna return her the money and throw the resignation. I need my pride back, I want my confident back.

Actually Saturday was the worst day I ever had.. Totally no mood and had cried for several hours. (Find me stupid? Say me lousy. I just can't stand accusation.. I can't.. ) I decided to spend my time with NIKI instead of going out shopping with Yvonne. (Cancelled the appointment with her cos I do not wish to affect her with my mood). After bring NIKI for a nice trim cut and bath, I visited Yvonne. After which, She intro me to some of her friends at a BBQ session. Nice friends to mix with. But a little sad where Hubby wanna leave the place early as he was tired.

Yvonne, pai seh hor.. Did not stay late thought you friends are really fun.. Hope to invite you and them to Alan's Birthday BBQ @ Downtown East wor! Ke Yi Ma?

I think I should log off soon cos my eyes are shutting down real soon.. Don't even know what I am typing.. Not linking at all.. A lousy post I have written. But pls forgive me. Like the title say, its just a random post.. So I just type wad randomly came to me.. Good nite guys... Tataz!!

Who the is most Reckless Drivers?

Sorry to have MIA from my blog for the past few days.. I am actually chasing some HongKong Dramas like 溏心風暴, 溏心風暴之家好月圓, 尖子攻略, 當狗愛上貓, 疑情別戀 & others. That is the main reason why I have been blogging lesser and even if I blog, it would be in office. *Opps*(looking around to see anyone) Since no more new dramas for rental, I think I shall start to blog frequent again and not to miss out uploading my photos.. So hang on ya! I have tons and tons of photos to load.. But shall do it one by one just in case it lags my page.

Alright enough of said, now, I practically wanna write this particular issue which we Singaporeans have been discussing with. Who the is Most Dangerous Reckless Drivers in Singapore? If not for what yesterday happen, I would have not think of taking this as a topic to write a proper post for my own. When ever I hear or read from newspaper to radio to TV talk shows, people would say motorcyclists are the most reckless one. In my point of view, I beg a difference. As a rider and a driver myself and too a pillion of my hubby bike. I don't really think that riders are the most reckless in Singapore (which most people agrees). In FACT, I would say most of the cabbies are reckless. All thanks to their daily experience on the road making them feel that they know the road well and they know other drivers are just scare of them and would give way to them.. I would like to take this opportunity to tell them "Wrong, WROng, WRONG!!! You are not the king of road so no one will wants to give way to you!"

My dad use to be a taxi driver when he was alive. I know that my dad loves to speed but he is never the reckless type. He will ensure safety before he step the accelerator.. I know, speeding is also dangerous, but compared to those blue cabbies in big CC taxis who always chuck into lanes without using the a$$ to look at the blindspots for cars and even motorcycles, I think speeding is still okie.. What happen yesterday actually pissed me off and had force me to file a complain to the blue cabby company and I demand an explanation on that. (And I also believe that they will treat my email as shit)I just can't let the cabby go off like this. They need to pay for their act. And I seriously had enough of all the nonsenses given by them. Pls read the following for the whole course of what had happen.

Hubby was driving along Ang Mo Kio Ave 5 heading home around 1245am. A blue cab cut into our lane abruptly and upon seeing this, hubby slowed down and allow the taxi to cut in since we are not in a hurry to anywhere. But when he is travelling at a very slow speed after cutting into our lane, hubby decided to switch to the extreme right lane and move along till we reach Seng East Road. Both me and hubby saw this cabbie is trying to be funny again and this time round, hubby don't have the intention to give way to him anymore. So he followed next to the lorry in front of the cabbie and refuse to accelerate or slow down. And to our horror, this bar girl just signal and wanted to squeeze in between the lorry in front and our car which is on his right. Initially hubby high beam to warn him but the cabbie refuse to be safety and insist to squeeze in. Hubby out of no choice continuously honk and the taxi driver for abt 1 min and plus high beam him all the way. Den this stupid farker den realise that we are not going to give in to him and no choice, he went back to his lane and switch to the extreme left lane. Look, he could have switch to the left where there is no car, why does he need to cut from the right where he knew that we are travelling at the lane. Why? Thinking weekend car dunno how to drive well and can bully ar! Pls fark to one side and listen here. Hubby is a delivery driver and he is always on the road with his van. He even is a delivery rider for his part time job.. Don't ever dare to challenge him as a weekend plate. As for me, I am a fierce driver too. Don't ever wanna challenge a lady's guts. Some do have de wor!!

I simply don't understand why can't they just be more careful when they drive especially with passenger around. They are carrying others life in their hand. What if an accident occurred and a life is at a stake. Don't you think that it's too late to remorse. I dare not only say cabbies are reckless, some drivers (be it saloon car, vans , bus or ever truck) and some riders, they are reckless too. They too drive or ride impatiently. I really dunno what the world is coming. So many accidents reported on newspaper and on TV and yet these groups of reckless drivers are not taking things seriously, still thinking they are the King of the Road. *Haiz* (shakes head)

So remember from now onwards, pls do not only say m/cycles are a bunch of reckless riders only. Before pointing fingers and others, pls look at yourself first. *One finger pointing others and the rest of the 3 is pointing @ yourself* Shall end here before my blood boil up to the max..

Surrender

*Crying hard*.. I am really heart broken.. I think that no one will feel how I am feeling now.. I am on the verge of giving up... Yes! I surrendered to that bastard.

I am sick of wearing the battle suit to fight when I come to work.. I am here to work not to battle. Worst part is, no one knows what happen in office, just me and him. And my bosses trusted him so much. I am just a clerk in their eyes. I won't be able to do anything much to help them desipte working for so long. In fact, all the shits in my branch was cleared by me and yet no one knows. All bosses know is that he is doing everything nicely here. He is the man who can run the branch so well.. But they never even bother to see who is doing all these. Tell me how can a man sleeping in the office, having coffee during operating hours do any thing in helping the bosses.

*Still bleeding in my heart* Guess nothing much can stop the bleed from now. I am just speechless and just tired. I need a break so I surrender. I don't wanna to fight anymore. Sorry to say that I am useless. I want to have a peaceful day. Have been thinking the whole morning. I would repay the money back to my boss and bid goodbye to them and shall start afresh outside the world. Perhaps Eric aka Kok Hong was right, I am a hermit crab. I should be more expose to the world to find more reality outside. I should venture my own career out of my hard shell..

It's timeee......

MMM = Mad Monday Morning

I am feeling really mad now.. Damn farking angry.. The anger is simply out of control.. If I were given a gun, I will shot him down with few shots.. If I were given bomb, I will bomb him up with all my bombs..

Early in the morning, give me all the nonsense. Have I done anything wrong? Why must talk to me in you farking attitude? Will giving you a tight slap wakes your farking idea? You thought I wanna know how everything goes with the case? You thought I very much love to check out what have you been doing with the case or you thought I wanna check if you are sleeping on the case? Let me say, I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU A DAMN. If not otherwise lady boss ask me, do you think I bother to talk to you about work. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED ABOUT YOU!! Stop making yourself like you are the saint, you are the boss. IN FACT PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT YOU ARE NOT MY FARKING BOSS. You are just a farking slacking manager which I don't look up on you. You are just as simply useless as me. Both of us can't help bosses much and in fact we are always giving stupid problem to them.. YOU BETTER FARKING GET YOUR ASS OUT OF YOUR SEAT AND FARKING DO YOU JOB PROPERLY.

Let me tell you. In fact, I do not wanna much talk to you on works. I do not want to see you in the office in fact. Whenever you are on leave, I am so freaking happy. I am able to work peacefully. Let me tell you this, NO ONE loves to work with you. YOU ARE A FARKING FREAK ORGE.. YOU ARE WORST THAN SHREK..

I very much wanna change my attitude towards you in work but you wouldn't allow me to do so.. I am trying hard not to quarrell with you but you wouldn't allow. You just love to let me raise my voice at you when I talk to you, you love me to throw my face at you. You are just pathetic.. Enough said of all these nonsense. LEAVE ME ALONE!!! %*(#&*()&(*

(Stupid of me writing this post. He is not even reading a single words.. Fark! I am just hopping mad with his farking attitude to me..)

She is overboard

Arrrghhh.. I am really feeling right to the bottom of my mood since Monday. It's really outrageous! No chance of explanation and worst still no chance of speaking up for myself.

What the fark have I done wrong? I delivered what my lady boss request wor. But why still pick a bone out of an egg? I am trying my best to settle all my stuff amicably but also spare a thought for me. I am OMS (one man show) in the branch office, I have to attend phone calls from nonsense customer, attend walk in customer, do my monthly renewals, do my daily work stuff, do filing, do invoicing, do account and still have to do stuffs from HQ. Haiz, I don't mind so many stuff on hand and to be frank I love it. But please be nice to me. I know take other's money is to help people solve their problem, but I am also an human being, I have feelings too. At times, words use by her cannot be withstand. I do very much wanna raise my voice at her but I can't. She is my boss after all.

Resignation once again come knocking on my brain door. Resignation wanna talk to my brain and ask brain to leave for good. But I can't. I am still in debt to her, but I won't promise I won't leave after paying her back the money. Brain is getting weaker and weaker. Brain needs a break from her, if not otherwise, brain will do things which is abrupt and just leave like this.

Hope things will get better and so do my mood. I wanna have a peaceful working environment without any harsh issues falling on me. Please, don't hurt my dignity. Alright, brace up Berlin. Tomorrow will be a better one..

I feel hurt too

Haven't been updating my blog for the past week. I should say I'm rather busy with lotsa things. My mood for the past week is like high and low. Too many things had happen at one go which I very much hope I can help but I can't. I can't feel the pain of another, I can't feel the suffering of another. I do not know why the past week till now, I am feeling really down. Partly is cos all the things in my mind which I can't really solve and too my office.

Yes.. I am gonna whine about my office again. Ever since my return to office after my first attempt of resignation, I really regret that I did not listen to Lindy (my ex colleague). She told me my boss attitude will not change even if my boss know the actual reason for my leaving. She will change for a period but will come back to her usual self in no time. I chose to ignore what Lindy was trying to tell me and I regret now.. Back to the old job for about 2 years already. I find it more and more difficult to communicate with my boss. They seems to have lots of issue on me which me and my other colleagues don't find any wrong. It seems that whatever I do is wrong, or should I say nothing is right before. It's making my heart breaking seeing or feeling her tearing away my dignity. I am heartbroken to hear her saying me no brain, stupid, and many many more. Haiz.. I always tell myself, " Take people money is to help people settle their problem" But giving one too many jobs will turn the person off. I don't mind heavy workloads. But meanwhile giving me heavy workloads, don't you think that instead of telling me this and that no good why not tell me better words to make me feel good. I am worthless to the company although I am considered "Highly Paid" to her. My hard work doesn't contribute a single cents to the company at all. I don't worth a penny. Gosh! My tears are dropping, I feel my heart bleeding and is slowly killing me.

All these issues that I am facing now is like telling me, "Hey Berlin, You don't belong her anymore. You need to run away from this place forever and ever. You are not appreciated and why bother?" My final conclusion, I will leave for good in no time. I just want a happy working environment to work in. Even a small position, I also don't mind. I am really hurt now, I am really tired now. Whenever the phone ring, I feel that she is gonna called me and wreck happy at me then hang up the phone. Leaving me stone on the other side of the phone. I am scare of the phone now. I hope the phone will go mute for the time being.

I am finding ways now to bring my mood back to my usual self. I need to be happy. It's suffering to feeling sad and unhappy. I wanna cry to get back but I can't. I am a strong person in everybody's eye so I am not going to make them worry by breaking down. Don't worry, I will be strong enough to get through this phenomenon.

Staying In Kampong or in HDB

I am really very very very fustrated with the problem I am facing now for my flat. At times I am wondering why must all the bad things happen to me in my new flat. First is my renovation issue, then the aircon and now is the freaking water supply.

Look here, I pay the water and electrical fee promptly. I don't owe PUB any money but at times, I do not get my water supply. Even if there is water supply, the water pressure is like peeing. WTF!! How to wash my hair with the water pressure I am having now. With all the conditioner on my hair and I have to use at least 15-20 mins to wash cleanly.

Few days back ago. Oh... NO.. Not, it should be in fact few months back ago. Initially when we notice the water pressure issue, I thought that I could be because no one moved in yet so the people maybe did not turn on the supply fully or what ever so.. But now, when the flat around 80% full, the water supply is getting from bad to worst. Just 2 weeks ago at a Saturday afternoon, I went to bath and while my whole body was soapy, the water supply just went dripping and then nothing. And I have to wait in the toilet with all the soap and shampoo around for about 10mins. Worst part is, today, I already woke up late for work and was in hurry to brush and wash up. But the water supply is giving us problem again. Hubby flush the toilet after use and after that it was me wanted the flush the toilet. But there is no water coming out. I told probably the toilet bowl is refilling water so I proceed to brush my teeth. GOD DAMN! There is totally no water at all.. We waited and waited and waited. Like about 10 mins, we try again and this time round, its like peeing. Then we waited for another 10 mins, the water is slight more for brushing teeth but not for bathing. Out of no choice, I give bathing a miss. (I don't wish too).. Be it in the morning, afternoon or even midnight, there is bound to be a day either water supply is like peeing or no water at all.. I HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THIS FARKING NONSENSE.

So I decided to complaint up to HDB. I called them & a lady picks up the phone. After hearing my complain, she pity me too. She immediately get a technician to call me. (so prompt service & I wanna compliment her here.) Few minutes later, a guy called me over my phone and fix an appointment with me to take a look at the water issue.

Technician : "Hello can I speak to Ms Berlin?"

Me : "Yup. Speaking here."

Technician : "Understand your complaint about the water. Can I go and see now?"

Me : "Now!.. But no one is at home"

Technician : "Then when can I come?"

Me : "How about tomorrow around 10 am?"

Technician : "Alright, I will be at your house around 10-10.30am"

Me: "But sir, the water problem is not every issue. It just happen when it feels like to happen"

Technician : "Is it the whole flat or just the bathroom? Have you open the pipe outside your
house to full blast?"

Me : "Yah yah, mu husband already open it to full blast but still no use. Anyway, I am not the one
complaint. My neighbours are all saying that the water supply is terrible"

Technician : "But Miss, so far only received your complaint"

Me : "Precisely, no one is taking action and I have to do it. Nobody knows where to call. I too got
to know from friend that I should call town council to lodge a complaint."

Technician : "But Miss, you called HDB and not town council."

Me (Abit flare up already) : "I can't find the town council no. so I choose to call HDB"

Technician : "Anyway, I will go take a look and will call you back, I will also help you to revert
back to town council if needed."

Me (cooled down abit) : "Thanks for your help."

So now, we shall wait and see. If I don't get the water, I shall video it down and find ways to complain. EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY THE THE RC MEMBER.

Hate = Love = Hate

Someone once tells me "If there is hate meaning there is love. If there is no love there should be no hate". After all these years I've been thru from the age of 15 and I do believe in that. I have always been saying this too, "God had been fair to everyone of us. You will have this and will have to lose that too.. It's pretty fair and I've very much accept what God is giving us.

Recently a BFF of mine is really down and is in the darkest of her life now. I have been trying to pull her out of the dark hole but she choose to stay in there. It hurts me to see her being a mud in that dark hole. "Running away from anything doesn't help you solved the problem. Facing it bravely is the only way. I know its hard to know how you really feel cos only you yourself will know the true feeling in you. But before acting on anything, I suppose you should think of the people around you who is concern about you. Open up yourself and be brave to face all the obstacles. Life is like this nothing sweet from the initial."

For me, too, feeling rather bad since last Saturday. I seriously hate to quarrell with mum. Yah me Princess Fiona had a heat argument with my mummy.. That's bad ya.. But I can't control my temper. She seems to have change another person. She became more and more selfish even to her own children and also became more and more paranoid. I can't stand all these nonsense. What really happen was, she promised me something and dunno for what farking reasons, she change her mind again. She had been changing her mind over and over again. I seriously don't know what her friends had been "physcoling" her.. Damn it! My plan are all wreck by her. Guess much my holiday for this December to Korea will down too the drain too..

Arrrgghhhh... Don't wanna say much on these too.. It's making my blood boil again... Too many things had happen in these few days. I hope all my friends and kins around me will be happy and free from trouble always.

"GOD, pls give them more sweets to sweeten their lives and stop feeding them your bitter gourd."

I Promise!! I really will...

Alright.. I'm thinking I'm damn farking lazy recently. I have been "nuahing" around with my PSP on hand. It use to be "nuahing" around with my lappy on hand.. I think it's time for me to swap from PSP to my lappy.. Meaning more blogging and less gaming.

Have read Princessa's blog this morning and came across a post on Xiaxue's blog. Saying how she started blogging, how the blog's readership from 2,000 to 25,000 a day.. At this point of time after I read the post, I was thinking, how to increase my blog readership (hoping to be Xiaxue no. 2. Although, I know I forever won't have the chance. Reason? Simple, Ang Moh not as "fli flac" as hers..)? How to make my blog juicer? Should I follow Xiaxue's style with a little pinch of Princessa's style blend with Sparklette's style and mix well with Mr Brown's style? Nah! Definitely not.. If I really mix and blend all into one, its equal to junk.. Yup, I mean JUNK!! Not saying their styles are all junks but I need to have my own style isn't it.. I jolly well knows that I will never be Xiaxue no. 2 but I will at least try to blog everyday, if not otherwise at least 3 times a week..

Enough of my being no. 2. Now must let me write something else.. Not feeling very well recently (be it mentally or physically).. My heart seems to be a little not ease since my father-in-law came last week.. It seems like there is an imaginary line to divide me and hubby apart. At times, I do think if I am overboard, by telling hubby his dad should not do this and should not do that. But, its my new house wor, have follow my law mah.. I have to maintain the house cleanliness de mah... Imagine, smoking in the house with the ash dropping around. Imagine, urinate stains found on the toilet seat.. Imagine, after meal, the rice gain around the table and some even on the floor.. Com'on.. Me not going to clear all these shits.. That's why have to keep reminding hubby.. Then next is the stupid farking manager of mine. He is still giving me farking nonsense and this time round, it's getting from bad to worst.. I am now TELLING YOU. I AM GOING TO EXPLODE SOONER OR LATER!! You better watch out your ass before it gets burn up by me... AND I AM VERY SERIOUS. You are making me damn farking pissed.. There is no 2nd person in this world who can compete the most farking, disgusting, idiotic, mentally nerd shit. Yes! To me you are just a SHIT... And the "SHITTEST SHIT" in the world. (Pls pardon me for all my nonsense english.) Oh yah! A little word for him.

"Hey you farking bastard! If you happen to chance by my blog, or you always visit my humble blog and you are reading. I'm going to tell you. YES! I am challenging you.. I making me hit the top of my limit. If you are reading this and yet still don't know that this is refering to you! Then you are simple not worth me challenging you. You are just a rubbish shit."

Arrgghh, writing about this makes my blood boil.. I better stop writing about him.. Let me see.. Any other things to blog about.. Gosh! Now then I know that my life is such a boring one. Nothing special, no excitement too. Hmmm.. Think, I shall stop here ba.. Feeling much beta after whining and I should head back to work before I can't finish it again.

Tataz.. Oh.. I hate Monday bluez...

DO NOT ORDER Mini Lobsters!!

Recently have been busy with moving house and finally its all done. Left with one more box to unpack. Basically everything has already settled. Not an easy job.. It's really tiring lor.. Still remember on Saturday (the day where we are moving), I had stand for almost 9 - 10 hours and it resulted that my heel to suffer severe pain and caused me unable to walk. Hope to unpack and clean up the house and hold the house warming real soon. That's the only time I can take a good rest.

Niki seems bothered staying in new house. He is lethargic, all he do is sleep and sleep and sleep the whole day. Hope he get himself stable down too.. I am pretty sure that he is so not used to the new house. GOD! Pls bless Niki with good health.

Back to the topic of the mini lobster। I have recently received an email from one of my friend where it says "Do not order mini lobster in China". In curiousity, I opened up the email॥ Oh gross, I don't dare to order any mini lobster anymore.. Gosh!! Not even in Singapore.. Now, let's see what's the email about..

Do not eat these spicy mini lobsters in / from China !!!These mini crustaceans are literally the garbage cleaners in thesewage treatment plants। The 'dirtier' the water, the fatter thesemini lobsters become।Their lungs are full of worms (see pic below) and their fleshsaturated with poisonous metals।Unscrupulous merchants somehow found a way to get these marketed toeateries. Do not order this dish.From the desk of Dr Adrian Tan MBBS ( Singapore ),GradDipOccMed ( Singapore ), DFD

(It's up to you to believe or not.. It's for reference purpose only.)

Seems delicious but not.. Hmm.. I doubt I would take these type of lobster anymore... What about you? =)

What a F#@k night I am going through

Everything is wrong and very wrong around me. I don't know what's going on and it seems that I can't handle it anymore. I wish to drop all the burden and leave this place for good. No one will think or even to bother about me. People in this world is simply cruel and selfish. I don't understand why I can't be the like the rest, be more selfish and more cruel and heartless.



First hit was done by hubby. As my new house key is collected, we had been discussing on what to be done and what need not be done (for the purpose of saving money) but hubby always wanted to DIY himself. The problem I'm facing now is, HE DID NOT EVEN TRY OUT DIY BEFORE. So as to say, the result for the DIY is unknown. If we look at the bad side, which means, if the DIY don't work, then we have to spend another sum of money to redo the area again. FOR WHAT FARK! Why do we have to spemd additional money in these stuffs. My words to him, "If everyone can DIY, then what's the point of having renovation contractor on this earth?" Result of this arguement, I have given up on the renovation. Let him settle everything by himself. If the result of the renovation, I would just simply moved out without 2nd words. LOOK NO JOKE HERE.



Next hit is the worst one. My mum. She came back home before we wanna leave the house for movie. Her first reaction when she saw me was just simply shouting and yanking at me. This issue is causing real big prob for me. I wanna have my own house with only me and hubby but this old woman insist in moving in with me together with my bro. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Initially I rejected her proposed but later give in to 1 year of 2 persons world before she sell the house away and move in with us. BUT but.. She don't agree and INSIST of moving in at the same time. Otherwise, she will still sell the house and rent the house from her farking friends.. Then she will disown me as a daughter. DISOWN is the word she use.. So can anyone tell me what world is this. I can't imgaine.. Is it wrong to have my own curdly world with hubby? Is it wrong to make a simple request from her? At this point of writing, I am all shattered. Shattered by her word DISOWN. Is it that simple to say disown?



I am really in foul mood.. I can't think well now.. I need to talk to someone, otherwise I might..........